NEW ONGOING COMIC – The Vines, starting here!

by admin on December 4th, 2012
Posted In: Blog

I’m proud to announce my brand new ongoing comic series. The first of a few different projects I have in mind for HC. See, I kept telling you we’d be back in some form or another.

(Larger sized copy here )

The Vines is a new ongoing science fiction comic in the style of a broadsheet comic, so a single instalment is only one page long, but it’s a very big page, so hopefully that’ll make up for it.

Josh Mathus and I are also working on some new Sherbet tales. We have some big plans for your favourite lesbian Sherlock Holmes from the future and you can find out a little bit more about that over at the Sherbet blog; http://www.sherbetlock.com.

Anyhow, I hope you enjoy this comic, as brief as it is, and that you’ll tune in next Tuesday for the next part. With ACTUAL dialogue.

As always, your feedback is welcomed and encouraged.

-MVB

 

 

 

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An update

by admin on July 16th, 2012
Posted In: Blog

So we’ve been silent for some time, but we’re not dead. We’ve been plotting, planning, sneaking around… looking at particles and whatnot.

We have some new things creeping up over the horizon. Like print editions of Sherbet;

And new material coming up on the website soon; including a new ongoing series called Binary written by Frank Marraffino (Haunted Tank, Marvel Zombies Supreme).

In the meantime I’m going to leave you all with this terrified picture of a mushroom.

Feel free to make of that what you will.

-MVB

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PREACHER: Behind the Arse (nobody told me that Arseface was a real person)

by admin on April 11th, 2012
Posted In: Blog

Yesterday I was floating around Google searches when I stumbled onto this painting of Arseface from Preacher.

You all remember Arseface, the teenaged rock-fan who survived his botched suicide attempt at the expense of his looks, leaving himself disfigured with a sort of groove through the middle and a mouth that looked vaguely like an anus (hence the less than PC name; ‘Arseface’).

I don’t remember what I was searching for, but it wasn’t at all Preacher related, so I had to pop the image open for some context.

What I would find beyond that link would throw my entire perception of reality into question.

This image was not a painting Arseface at all, but a real guy named James Vance. At first I was fascinated by the superficial similarities, believing it to be a coincidence, but the more I read, the more obvious it became that James Vance’s life had formed the basis for Arseface’s. The fictional character I’d been reading and re-reading about since my teens was barely fictional at all, but the very real embodiment of teenaged tragedy that we see here;

Mind blown, I blurted this revelation out in a (possibly insensitive) Facebook post and asked everyone I knew if they had known this all along. Many of my industry friends were aware of it, but most of the readers I know from my own generation had no clue.

This raised questions. ‘Why was this lost on so many of us us?’ ‘Was it really okay for Ennis to use Vance’s likeness and basic life story in an often comedic context?’… and ‘should we ever have laughed at it?‘ I don’t know the answers (I’m still trying to iron out these new mind-wrinkles as I type this down), but I’ll attempt to explain my thinking on this as best I can.

Vance’s story was famous back in the 80s because it tapped into the then-current religious fear of rock music. After he died in ’88, his parents famously put the blame on Judas Priest and took the band to court for allegedly hiding the subliminal messages in their songs that convinced James to take his own life (this was essentially disproven in court). Before yesterday, what little I knew about this case was half-remembered from the stand-up act of another real-life person who had once made a posthumous appearance in Preacher;

The late, great, sane man himself.

This in mind, I can only assume that the Arseface parody of Vance wasn’t intended to be hidden at all. Instead I think that Garth Ennis fully expected us all to recognize him. Hell, maybe audiences did in the 90s, when Arseface first appeared in the comic and this case was prominent in the country’s collective memory… but these days you’d be hard pushed to find a person on the street who remembers Judas Priest, let alone some legal battle they fought in way back in the boring part of the 80s.

Now that I think about it, it’s not that much stranger than some of the other dead celebrity cameos in the series, like Bill Hicks or John Wayne… the biggest difference with this cameo/parody is that they made this poor kid’s disfigurement synonymous with the less-than-flattering name ‘Arseface’. I can’t fool myself into thinking that this was a particularly generous move on Garth Ennis’s part.  On the other hand, Ennis did go to great pains to make readers care about Arseface and to essentially see beyond his extensive scarring and onto the fragile child inside. This might have been more of a blessing than a curse, had James Vance survived for long enough to see it.

 

This is why I’m torn. I first read preacher back in my middle-teens and I remember Arseface’s origin story in great detail — a story that I now see is essentially a mostly accurate retelling of James Vance’s failed suicide attempt.  As a teenager constantly fighting depression, rejected and often bullied by my peers, I really felt the character’s sense of claustrophobia and misery. I could feel what made him pull that trigger.  Before I had read that issue, it’d been easy to dismiss this character as an idiot (in much the same way that Bill Hicks dismissed the real James Vance up above), but that Arseface origin story humanized him and helped me understand and empathize with that character. Now I feel like the knowledge of that fiction helps me better understand this true story and the real human behind it.

In a strange way, that much feels like a service to the guy’s memory, but there’s no forgetting that choice of name. Perhaps by making us accept the character as a joke acted as a gateway to us to understanding him as a person… Or maybe Ennis was showing us that accepting a disfigurement and the nasty names that come with it de-powers the people who might use those names against us (after all, what can you say to insult a guy who calls himself Arseface? Not much, I’d wager).

… Or perhaps I’m over-thinking it and Garth Ennis has a sick and exploitative sense of humour. I don’t know him, so I can’t be the judge of that. I really don’t have the answers. I can only speculate.

Right or wrong, sympathetic or just plain sick; I do love Preacher. As ugly or as offensive as it gets, there is always an underlying element of humanity to it that makes it an unforgettable and enriching read.

Please feel free to leave your thoughts below in the comments.

-MVB

 

Sherbet: Soul

by admin on February 28th, 2012
Posted In: Blog

Click here to read Sherbet: Soul now!

OK, we’re clearly not making regular deadlines anymore. Sorry!

The problem is that a lot of these comics are getting longer.

When we first started this website all of our comics averaged out to about two pages and we rarely ever broke the three page limit. Lately, even though I try to keep the page count down, my own scripts have mostly been between four and nine pages long. It’s a tall order for an artist who doesn’t do this full time, but we’re all spending more time on every stage of these strips, because we care about the quality of our work.

So again, I’m really sorry for the delays, but we hope comics like this strange little Ghost story will make up for it. Josh Mathus and I worked very hard to make it and we’re both proud of the results, so if you like it, please share it!

I’m currently looking around for more regular talent to help out around here. I mainly need artists right now, but writers are always welcome. If you or anyone you know would like to try out, please email bramley@hadroncolliderscope.com and title the email ‘I AM A TALENTED EARTHLING’.

We hope you’ll keep an eye on us and keep reading, because we’ll be back with more as soon as possible!

Best

-MVB

P.S: I’d also like to make a note about Sherbet’s use of the ‘R’ word in that strip. I realize that it’s a slur, one that offends and devalues people. I no longer use it personally, but she would. She is after all, a cruel and offensive person who doesn’t pull her punches. I considered other alternatives to the word, but they felt like betrayals to the essence of who she is and what this comic is about. Sherbet is an uncensored, adult comic about nasty things, with some nasty people in it who say and do more nasty things. That said, I am truly sorry if it does offend you – Sherbet’s opinions are not my own and her usage of that word just felt real and natural to her character.

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THE MEANDERING DEAD!

by admin on February 21st, 2012
Posted In: Blog

I’ve spoken about The Walking Dead here twice before and I fully expect this to be my last post on the subject of the TV show.

Previously, in my second review of the series, I avoided giving a fully negative review because I didn’t have the heart to knock a show based on a comic book I felt so positively about and I saw seeds of promise in the shit-heap that the show had quickly become.

Having caught up with the series, I can safely say that the show is just bad. It is bad to the point that it is inexcusable. Furthermore, being bad is the only thing that the show is actually consistent in at all.

The other day my friend Keith Bowen likened watching The Walking Dead to being a fan of Nutella, but having to eat it spread microscopically thin across a giant piece of dry Brioche. This is such an apt analogy that I have now given up on the show entirely and do not intend to invest future hours of my time into watching it.

So where did it go wrong? Let’s examine that in a post I’m going to call;

First of all, let’s look at the Nutella in the equation. That accounts for just about everything in the Darabont pilot, the mid-season finale of season two and the occasional scenes where character interaction doesn’t seem geared towards forcing unnatural tension between characters who don’t really have any reason to fight…

Well, that was quick. That’s the good part covered, onto the stale Brioche of the Dead.

Have you ever noticed how the writers of the Walking Dead don’t really know how to write people?

In one of my previous posts I complained about the characterization of Daryl (the Redneck) and how nothing in his apparent reform between seasons was ever earned… and well… that’s virtually everyone in this show. We can see the roles they’re meant to fill, but nobody earned those positions.

Here’s a quick breakdown for the sake of clarity:

Dale is meant to be the father figure of the group right? Well unfortunately he hasn’t really done anything to deserve that title beyond being old. Similarly he’s meant to have some kind of connection with Andrea, but all we see is her being a bitch to him and him trying to control her. No connection was ever established and lost, no real motivation for his obsession with her is ever explained and the audience sure as hell can’t understand it, because she’s not likable.

Then there’s Andrea. Well, I know what she’s meant to be, because I read the comics. She had a very subtle, but compelling character arc wherein she starts as a normal, boring, lucky survivor and slowly becomes a badass worthy of ‘survivor’ status. Unfortunately they made her into a whiney pain in the ass with nothing to recommend her and yet, even after she accidentally shoots a guy in the head because she’s a fucking idiot, people treat her with respect and dignity she simply doesn’t deserve.

Glenn, who is, for the most part, one of the most bearable characters in the show, is often said to be the guy who braves dangerous situations and scouts for food, but we never really see it, other characters just talk about it in shamelessly expository dialogue. As early as his first appearance in episode 2, he’s shown an overwhelming lack of survival skills – and again, hasn’t earned his place at all.

I could go through virtually the entire cast like this, but suffice to say, none of them really have clearly defined characters, none of them are really written well, and none of them act like human beings

Here, I’ll show you what I mean… watch an episode and make a note of the next time you see a character get pissed off about something. Write what it is that pissed them off and why. Then I want you to make a note the next time you see something that would piss you off if you were that character and see how said characters react to it.

Here are some examples of things that people in the Walking Dead TV show get angry about;

*Being talked out of a suicide attempt.

*The leader persisting in searches for a missing child.

*Being expected to share plentiful resources and land with the only other people on earth.  

And here is a list of things they are remarkably blasé about;

*Getting shot in the head.

*Cheating Partners.

*The death of a young family member.

It’s almost as though the writers have made a pact to literally never show characters reacting in a predictable way, but sometimes predictable just means reasonable and believable. It’s OK to break away from the norm sometimes, the comic has done it a lot, but generally in the comic, the character interactions seemed believable enough that they lose nothing by showing them react in peculiar ways. Enough of the comic’s tension is earned that it’s OK to throw away ripe possibilities for drama, sometimes, whereas the show throws out all realistic drama in favour of contrived attempts to make characters fight… and when I say fight, I mean argue in hushed tones.

Literally the only person in the entire show who ever seems to make any sense, both in terms of actions and reactions is Shane. Yep. The attempted rapist – that guy is the only person on the show who gets angry for the right reasons. He is literally the only person who makes any damn sense. And when the guy you’ve been desperately trying to make into a villain since season one winds up being your hero, you’ve fucked up.

I remember the network running ads during the first season stating that character interaction was the draw rather than horror, but the writers of the show seem to understand neither.

Where are all the fucking Zombies? Maybe the network feels like they made a promise with this picture of a vast empty space with one guy in the middle and they now feel like they need to make good on it?

 Or maybe it’s because the show is wasting money on things like pointless car-crashes that they can’t afford to actually feature the hook of the show. But even if that is the case, it’s no excuse. Having a budget never stopped Buffy the Vampire Slayer from featuring vampires, or star-trek from featuring aliens. What do you think the Daleks are? We made that shit with trash-cans and plungers and that should STILL cost more than Zombie make-up. Your monsters are the easiest thing in the world to make. Just slap on some red corn syrup, a little liquid latex and some freaky contact lenses and you’re fucking done.

Now I’m not saying you can’t tell a good Walking Dead story without Zombies, but when your show is called ‘THE WALKING DEAD’, they’re not the sort of things you should only break out on special occasions.

Sure, the show has had one or two good episodes, and one or two good scenes on top of it, but why watch over 20 hours of footage when only 5 percent or so is actually interesting? Hell, I bet I could apply that to any show that bores the fuck out of me; but I don’t watch those shows because they bore the fuck out of me. And this? The Walking Dead? It is BORING. It’s so BORING that it warrants capital letters.

It is also frustrating, annoying, plotless and unrealistic in the most basic ways imaginable. I’m washing my hands of it. I give up.

I strongly suggest the comics for those of you who are similarly frustrated with the show, but haven’t made the move over yet. The comic is consistently intriguing and in those 2-dimensional panels you’ll find more 3-dimensional characters than have ever appeared in the book’s televised counterpart.

OK, I’m done ranting. That’s all folks!

-MVB

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I love Planet of the Apes.

by admin on February 15th, 2012
Posted In: Blog

I love Planet of the Apes.

I’m extremely late, but I have finally seen the most recent Planet of the Apes movie (Rise of the Planet of the Apes) and I felt like rapping about it here. But that wouldn’t be right without doing a little rundown of the franchise’s history first…

The thing about Apes is that the first movie is a smart (albeit camp) work of science fiction and every subsequent movie from the original series was technically bad and cheap, but fell into the realm of ‘guilty pleasures’.

I think just about everyone knows the story of the first movie. Charlton Heston lands on a strange planet in the future and find that it’s run by Apes that talk. Human beings are subjugated and treated like animals. Ultimately the hero discovers that the world isn’t so alien after all – he’s landed on Earth in the distant future after a terrible ape uprising that destroyed human civilization.

YOU MANIACS! (Roll Credits)

It was a great movie with a strong ‘shoe on the other foot’ premise and an excellent twist to wrap it up. It could have ended there and for many, it did, but for those who couldn’t let it go, they made sequels!

The second film was about the destruction of the Planet of the Apes. The third explained how some Apes escaped into the past and had a child before getting killed. The son Caesar (or ‘Milo’) became the focus of the remainder of the series as he formed an Ape army and led a revolution against humanity. Thus began the Earth’s rebranding as the Planet of the Apes and the series was wrapped up in a neat little Ouroboros ribbon.

That’s fine enough as a concept I guess, but the devil lives in the details and that’s where these movies fell apart. See, once Caesar (the wonder ape) arrives, suddenly all Apes could learn to be like him. I don’t remember there being any kind of real explanation behind this. Caesar’s existence somehow showed them what they were missing, even though hundreds of years of man/ape interactions have never yielded any sort of verbal communication in the real world before.

“We never talk any more. “

And that’s just scratching the surface of what was wrong with those movies, shitty filmmaking and plot-holes were abundant.

After the last movie, Battle for the Planet of the Apes, we didn’t see much of them for a long while. There were some TV shows that didn’t last long and eventually, finally in 2001, Hollywood offered us a remake.

Directed by Tim Burto– Aw Shit.

OK, the movie wasn’t totally devoid of any merit. The Apes looked great, there were some good moments and it did feel more like a Planet of the Apes movie than your typical Burton flick. The real problem was that Burton sort of missed the point and, oh yeah, the movie made no god damn sense.

Burton was clearly trying to go for something equal to the twist ending of the original movie without outright copying it. The main character actually left the Ape Planet (which was NOT Earth) at the end and returned to Earth (we think), only to find that it was overrun with Apes and a monument to his Ape nemesis had been erected in place of the Lincoln memorial… even though the Apes on the Ape planet were somewhat primitive in terms of means and they… couldn’t have… left… their… planet…

I had perhaps the most logical explanation for the ending that I’ve heard yet, which is that the astronaut traveled forwards rather than backwards and wound up returning to the future of the Ape Planet instead of Earth, but people with keener eyes than mine were quick to point out that the clock ticked backwards and not forwards, so nope – it was just utter nonsense!

TIM BURTON IS A GENIUS!

So that brings us to Rise of the Planet of the Apes. I didn’t hold out much hope for this one when I heard years ago that they were planning a prequel to the original Apes movies. My first thought was; ‘they already made prequels to that movie… they were the sequels!’  Early trailers showing the shitty CGI Apes acting like the villains in some kind of survival horror scenario didn’t make me feel much better about it either. ‘Skeptical’ wasn’t the word, I just wasn’t interested.

I’d been burned before.

But I have a Netflix account, so I figured; ‘what the fuck?’ and went for it.

Yesterday I saw it for the first time and I loved it.

Oh, it wasn’t without its drawbacks. Though the CGI had been improved since the early trailers I’d seen before, I’m a man who prefers prosthetics and practical effects. Speaking exclusively in terms of visual effects, the Burton movie managed to edge this one out. I just didn’t think the Apes in this movie looked like real Apes and, as my wife pointed out, they often seemed weightless. But to its credit, the strong emotional core of the movie helps you to see past this and enjoy it regardless.

Another thing I didn’t like was how self-referential it was. I don’t mind them recycling themes or lines from the scrapheap of the original sequels (which they did), or alluding to the events of the original ’68 movie (which they also do), but recycling the iconic ‘Damn Dirty Apes’ line and naming the normal Apes after the ones from the original just seemed like a step too far. There is a line when it comes to self-reference and this film did manage to step over it once or twice.

Much as I predicted, this movie basically ignored the sequels’ place in canon forming a second micro-series that only acknowledges the original ’68 movie and this one. This seems to be for the best. Subtle nods throughout the movie explain where the first movie fits in this timeline, but this film didn’t seem beholden to the first film’s story. No, this film had its own characters and its own story to tell and the fact that it was such a strong one is why it worked so well.

And yet… somehow it did re-use themes, ideas and lines from those disregarded sequels, it re-contextualized them in a way that made much more sense; the most notable instance being the rebooted character of Caesar.

In many ways, this film borrows the most from the fourth Planet of the Apes movie and Caesar is still the messianic figure that he was in the sequels, but time-travel is no longer a part of his origins. In this version of continuity, he is the offspring of a normal ape treated with a revolutionary new Alzheimer’s drug, which, in all honesty, was very fucking clever idea. The idea that a drug can increase Ape intelligence goes a long way to explaining how they managed to overthrow us.

At the core of the movie there’s an almost tangible bond between Caesar and the doctor  who adopted/created him. If you know the original ’68 movie then you know how this one has to end, but the movie does its best to make you want something else. You want peace between the doctor and Ceasar, between man and Ape, but knowing the bleak facts about the future makes that resolution sadly unrealistic.

We live in an era where everything is a reboot, prequel, remastering, remake or sequel to concepts that seemed played out when we were children. And like most people; this makes me feel lethargic about buying movie tickets.  I blame George Lucas. He seemed to start the trend with the Phantom Menace and simultaneously proved that something doesn’t need to be good in order to make millions and millions of dollars.

But in my mind, this is the film that proves it can be done right.

Rise of the Planet of the Apes is a strong movie, full of heart and it informs the original without undermining it. Most importantly; it has its own story that stands independently as a good, strong science fiction tale. So rent it/buy it/see it now!

-MVB

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The Broken Arrow

by admin on February 7th, 2012
Posted In: Blog

Click Here to read The Broken Arrow!

With Mr. Hembeck’s permission, I decided to share the line-art for our two page contribution to the CBLDF Liberty Annual.

Hey, did you know you have rights?

I know; it seems frankly unbelievable when these sorts of travesties seem to occur with such frequency. But then, that’s why it’s so important to support the CBLDF, either by buying their stuff or getting a membership.

Enjoy the comic!

-MVB

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Watchmen 2 (or; How I Learned to Stop Caring and Just Let the Corporations Suck the Jelly From My Idol’s Bones.’)

by admin on January 30th, 2012
Posted In: Blog

I’ve been wrong before.

I’m going to come out and admit it up front; I have been wrong about a great many things. Once upon a time, for instance, I was a teenager and teenagers tend to be wrong about just about everything.  It was during those formative years that I picked up a little book called Watchmen, read it cover-to-cover, smiled smugly and deemed it uninteresting and overrated.

I was wrong.

It wasn’t until years later that I would realize my mistake. The bookshop I worked in back in my early 20s sold the attractive Absolute Edition of that Great Work and I decided for entirely covetous reasons that it was worth trying again (on one of the super-discount days).

On that second read-through, I was blown away. The book was designed like that; layered. Unlike virtually any other comic I’d ever read, Alan Moore had filled the thing full of these little Easter Eggs, making it so that you could read the thing over and over, noticing something clever and new every time. That time, I really fell for the characters. I loved the plot. That massive vagina-squid didn’t seem half so silly and the ensuing moral dilemma seemed truly haunting. I realized two things that day, that my teenaged self didn’t know shit about quality, and that my adult self was now a Watchmen fan.

Over the years, I absorbed a lot more of Alan Moore’s work, and though you may not see many parallels in what I write for this site, I list the man as king among my writing idols.

Admitting that is a little bit dodgy. Many people think he’s a genius and many people think he’s insane. I’m inclined to agree with both sides of the argument, but seeing as I don’t know Alan Moore at all, I can’t defend his character, I can only defend his work. I try to do that as much as possible.

There has been much ado about the Watchmen sequels lately.

Though I’ve read the original a dozen times and sometimes secretly wish there was more, I don’t believe that anything in it truly warrants a sequel, prequel, midquel, or any other kind of ‘-quel’. It’s just unnecessary.

Those characters came to life in that piece of work, they felt real there, they worked there and they told the story they were intended for. We got the most possible conceivable value from it. I just cannot imagine any other writer or creative team adding anything of significant value to those characters. Furthermore, I can’t understand why they would need to.

After all, every single character from Watchmen has a pre-existing Charlton Comics equivalent who could just as easily be revamped and used to tell whatever story DC insists on telling. The one significant difference being that they wouldn’t sell as many because nobody would give a shit beyond the superficial ties to the original Watchmen comic. So, realistically, the only reason they’re doing this with Watchmen characters is because they want to milk more money out of it. How can that vision possibly compare to the original artistic vision behind Watchmen?

But I’m not fighting it. At least, beyond this post, I don’t expect I’ll protest further. Here’s why;

We already tore open Pandora’s Box when we allowed the Watchmen Movie to happen. And yes, I was one of the many people who didn’t think the idea of a Watchmen movie was that bad (bringing me back to my original point about having been wrong a lot), until I paid my money and actually watched it.

I cannot count the many ways in which the movie missed the point and failed to deliver. It was hard to watch Snyder’s abominable film-making and afterward I felt like mailing Alan Moore a written apology for having ever supported it. Also I wanted to email Solid Snake and tell him; ‘fuck you’ for trying to make me watch it again.

The aftermath of the terrible movie was bittersweet. For some it acted as a gateway to the book (the sales of which sky-rocketed) and some who plain missed the point of Watchmen would insist that the film was superior. The strangest part of it was that Watchmen, perhaps the most famous comic of all time, suddenly went even more mainstream than ever before.  There were fan-made Watchmen Tee-Shirts, fan-made Watchmen videos, fan-made comics and even a hilarious fake fan-made trailer for a Watchmen Saturday Morning Cartoon.

So lots of people were showing their adoration for Watchmen, and that was great. But they were also making every single conceivable joke about the future of the franchise and how it would ultimately be destroyed. This recycled Simpson’s gag I keep seeing in many different forms is perhaps my favourite interpretation of how terrible things might get.

Through humour, we’ve seen Watchmen die over and over again – and yet, it still endures and I still love that book.

Some company claiming ownership and attempting to expand the world simply can’t hurt the original work any more than that shitty movie already did. That jaundiced yellow smiley face on the cover stands resolute, staring blankly at those who wish to destroy it, intensely whispering; ‘come and have another go, if you think you’re hard enough.’

GAH! Then again, who knows? I could be wrong…

 

-MVB

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Believe?

by admin on January 30th, 2012
Posted In: Blog

Click here to read the newest comic!

 Just a simple one this week. Two people discussing their opinions on extra-terrestrial life.

See you soon!

-MVB

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Endangered Species

by admin on January 24th, 2012
Posted In: Blog

Click here to read ENDANGERED SPECIES!

Finally!

I re-met Brendan on a rooftop in New York City about two years ago (I’d met him before, but he didn’t remember me as I am a master of disguise). We got along, kept in touch, and ever since I’ve been badgering him to write for Hadron Colliderscope.

He was east to remember, thankfully, seeing as his name began ridiculously common. From random guest artist jobs on sites like The Gutters to some of the best Cracked articles in recent memory, McGinley seemed to have infiltrated and overthrown a large portion of the internet almost overnight.

If you aren’t familiar with Brendan McGinley yet, check the credits of the next thing you enjoy reading online, it’s probably one of his.

Working with his script was an absolute pleasure and I hope we’ll see more from him down the line.

-MVB

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